Monthly Archives: January 2015

In a Blink

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In A Blink

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In a blink

It all changed

The laughing joy

Turned wracking tears

The smiling boy

Turned angel wings

In a blink

It all changed

There was no warning

No sign of things to come

One moment he was with us

The next

He was gone

Hold tight your treasures

Hold tight your loves

Life can take a sudden change

In only

A blink

© S. Tennyson Taylor

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Serenity – I need a little right now

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After the past few days, I need a little bit of Serenity. So when the Weekly photo challenge was Serenity I knew I would search for a picture that basically said “Calgon Take Me Away!”.  This was taken last October when we visited Grand Turk on our Cruise. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Breaking Through the Fog

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I haven’t written much the last few days. Every inch of my body and soul has been wracked with grief.

A week ago today we were going about our lives in our normal fashion. Then on Tuesday morning I received a phone call that will forever change our family. Our nephew, my husband’s brother’s one-year-old son was on life support. Fighting for his life after the doctors found a large brain tumor and rushed him to surgery. The swelling around the tumor caused what I believe was a stroke. He was brain-dead. We prayed for a miracle and even though I know and believe that God grants miracles, we didn’t get one for baby Sam. Baby Sam went home to the Lord on Wednesday night.

My husband’s brother and family live across the ocean in Germany. So not being able to be with them and support them during this time has been extremely painful. I am afraid to fly, but I am going to get my passport so if any other kind of emergency arises I can be with the ones I love and who need me.

Today as I write this they are having service for sweet Sam and saying goodbye to him. I am a mother to an only child, just like my sister-in-law. I can’t imagine what she is going through. I don’t want to. My heart breaks for her and when I let myself slip into what I feel has to be her frame of mind, I lose my own.

My heart actually aches, the pain is palpable. I worry for them, they were just married when they visited us here in the states over the Christmas holiday. Today is the first day that I have been able to start to type without breaking down.  I am breaking through the fog, but I worry so much about my brother and sister in law. The only thing that gives me hope they will pull through this is something my brother-in-law put on his Facebook page yesterday. I have copied and pasted it below.

If you are a praying person I would gladly accept any you could give to our family especially sweet Sam’s Momma and Papa!

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When we got up this morning it was cold and raining. I cracked a few windows to let some air flow through the house. I started packing some of Sam’s things. One of the neighbors and Joyce’s good friend came over to help. Joyce was sitting alone in the living room, looking at Sam’s pic, talking to it, and kissing it…saying come back to Mama, Sam.

I was in the garage when her friend came to me and said Joyce needed me right away. I hurried to the living room and found Joyce and the neighbor on the couch crying. Joyce said Sam is here! Sam is here! I looked up and saw the most amazing thing. A unbelievably beautiful butterfly was flying around the living room and even landed on the carpet that Sam used to play on. we watched it fly for a while, visiting all of the places where Sam liked to play.Then I opened the balcony door to let it out. It came over and landed on the door but wouldn’t leave. I tried to gently coax it out by waving the curtains at it. Joyce went to it, held here finger out, and said come to Mama. It climbed on right away and she said its ok Mama is crying because Mama misses you so much. As she talked to it, It didn’t want to leave her finger so she sat it on the mat outside and said its ok you can go and Mama loves you so much, but please come back again. The butterfly slowly flew straight up into the sky towards heaven and disappeared over the roof top.

In the Philippines, the people believe that if you see a butterfly when someone passes away, it is the soul of that person.

I find this event truly amazing because as long as we have lived here, there has never been a butterfly of that species in this area. And, I have never in my life seen a butterfly in the dead of winter especially while raining………….have you?

From now on, I will be cracking the windows every morning.

The Locked Box

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Today’s daily post prompt is an Audience of One – Simply to write a post or letter to the one person you wished was reading your blog right now. My contribution is below.

The Locked Box

I miss you.

I am a master at putting my feelings away in a little box and locking it up with an array of different locks and keys.

Why do I do this, you ask?

Because I miss you.

If I didn’t lock away my feelings, I might be reminded of the fact I will never get to hear your voice again.

I would know you weren’t going to show up for any holiday gatherings.

I would be forced to acknowledge the fact that your granddaughter only had a few short years with you.

I would be reminded that others I know, can still hug their mother close.

I would have to face the fact that I will never again feel your arms around me.

When I have news to share, I would know I couldn’t call you.

I would cry.

A lot.

So instead, I lock away those feelings. I keep them in a precious box that no one knows the combination to.

Because thinking of you is too painful.

Missing you tears me apart.

I feel raw and sad and lonely.

I love you, mom.

I miss you!

Shadowed Protection

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I took this picture a few years ago while we were walking along the sidewalk one Saturday morning. I loved the way our shadows looked and thought it captured the innocence of child and the essence of protection from a parent.

I am sharing this for the Daily Post weekly Photo challenge: Shadowed

Pre School Gender Issues or Just Kids being Kids?

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Over the past few weeks my daughter has been talking about this girl in her class, we will call her “Mia” who is suddenly telling the other children to call her “Tyler”. Initially when she said this to me, I laughed it off. I mean my daughter tells me to call her Ana, Elsa, Olaf, Princess, etc… so I really didn’t pay much attention.

But, what I thought was a simple child just playing around, seems to be something different. We were looking at her class picture the other day and talking about the children and I pointed to Mia and said something about her shirt. My daughter looked at me very serious and said, “Mommy, don’t call her Mia. She’s a boy now and her name is Tyler.”

I have seen this child as we go in and out of school each day and she is dressed and looks like the little girl Mia that I know. But still my daughter insists her name is Tyler now.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t care if the little girl wants to be called Tyler. I just want to understand if I am dealing with children playing around or if this is the time for a life lesson for my daughter. So, today I asked the teachers about it. They were as confused as I was. Apparently she hasn’t told the teachers she wanted to be called Tyler, only the other children.

I am not sure how or if I even should approach this with my daughter. I mean, I don’t know if she is playing around or if she really is having gender issues this early in life. Should I broach the subject with my daughter or should I just ignore it for now?

I am very happy to say that my child is colorblind. I don’t mean literally, but simply that when she sees other people of different color or nationality, she doesn’t look at them or treat them any differently than people who look like her. I believe if we teach our children acceptance, it will make them better little humans. I want to make sure if Mia is having gender issues that my daughter will understand, accept and not judge her.

What are your thoughts?

Staring at the Blank Page

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I am not sure what is going on but I am having a hard time getting started.

Maybe, if I could just decide on editing or writing.

I have my finished work that needs another pass on editing. Really another pass on tightening the prose and fleshing out my main character a bit more. I know there is a good great story in there. I just haven’t found the right way to pull it out.

Then I have the brewing of another story idea that is bouncing around in my head.

The problem is I can’t seem to focus on the new story, because I know I need to go back to the finished one, and every time I open the finished one to look at it, I feel like I am lost in a dark wilderness, with beady animal eyes staring me down.

Ugh!!!