Tag Archives: Life

Fake it ’till you Make it!

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I am going to continue to force myself to pound out words.

I know that eventually, when I get back into the habit of writing that then I will begin to regain the inspiration. It always happens that way. Once I start allowing my brain to have the freedom to think about something other than the mundane things that fill my mind. I will find creativity.

Mundane things like:
What is for dinner?
What will my daughter wear to school tomorrow?
What does the 10-day forecast look like?
Where will get to go on vacation this summer?
Will we even be able to have a vacation?
Am I going to be able to pay off Mary’s credit card anytime soon?
What are the winning lottery numbers for last night?
Do I have enough money to buy everything on my grocery list this week?
Did I get enough steps in today?
What will we have for dinner tomorrow night?

See that kind of stuff will stifle creativity in a flat second and yet that is what goes on in my head every single day.

So, if I come here and I write every single day then maybe, just maybe, I will learn to push all that aside and begin to find the creative part of me that is hidden deep in the recesses of my mind. So until I break through the fog I will just keep doing this… and this will lead to ideas… and those will lead to stories and I will be on my way again.

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Humanity: The spice of Life

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This weeks Daily Post Photo Challenge is Humanity

I hate that I don’t have better pictures, we have traveled to many location in the Caribbean and Mexico and yet these are all the photos I can find of humanity.  We travel again in October to the Caribbean and this time I am going to make sure I focus more on the humanity aspect instead of just the scenery!

Conch Hunting in Grand Cayman

Conch Hunting in Grand Cayman

A roadside Fruit Stand in St. Lucia

A roadside Fruit Stand in St. Lucia

A boat of local kids swimming in St. Lucia

A boat of local kids swimming in St. Lucia

Life in St. Lucia

Life in St. Lucia

The Warmth of Your Love

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Two years ago today, my mother departed a sick, bedridden body and went to heaven. Walking proud and healed of all her sickness. It is easier this year than it was last year. I feel both sadness and comforted by that. I wrote this poem in memory of her.

 

The Warmth of Your Love

©S. Tennyson Taylor

 

Not a second goes by

When I don’t feel the warmth of your love

It has been two years today

Since I said goodbye

And yet, in each significant moment of my life

In each small act of kindness

I feel the warmth of your love

You taught me strength

You showed me kindness

You held my hand when we walked

You held me close when I was afraid

I felt the warmth of your love

I watched as disease riddled your body

The C word

The horrible, awful C word

You fought hard, squeezed out every bit of life you could

But in the end, the angels came

I can no longer wrap my arms around you

I can no longer sit up all night talking with you

I can no longer see your sweet face

But, no matter where I am

No matter what I am doing

Each and every day

I can still feel

The warmth of your love

My mom and I in 2007

My mom and I in 2007

To Walk in Your Shoes

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Today marks 1 year since my mother passed away.

I found a poem I wrote to her in 1999 – This would be 11 years before I had a child of my own and so it was so fitting that “I could only imagine”.

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To my mommy – To Walk in Your Shoes

I can only imagine how you must have felt to hold my tiny body in your arms the day I was born.

How you must have rejoiced when I spoke my first words and took my first steps.

Or how your heart must have broke the first time I got hurt.

I can only imagine how you must have sat and watched me walk into school that first day

How proud you must have been when I read my first words knowing that you instilled such a love of reading and writing.

I can only imagine how you must have felt to see me turning into a young woman.

To look into the eyes of what you still remember as a baby and see a little lady growing up before your eyes.

I can only imagine how your heart might have broke the first time mine was broken by a boy.

Or how you must have been filled with joy, love, and a even a touch of pain, to see me walk down the aisle on my wedding day.

Your little girl, all grown up.

I can only imagine how it feels, to be the most loving, giving, selfless, beautiful mother in the entire world.

I can only hope that one day I have the chance to be half the mother you have been to me.
I love you mommy, Happy Mother’s Day, your little girl, Shelly

(c) Shelly Tennyson Taylor 1999

A letter to my Pastor

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I wrote a letter to my pastor today and I realized when I was done that it was more than just a letter to him. It was my testimony and it deserved to be shared with all of you. So here it is:

Pastor Rick,

I just wanted to write you and tell you how much I appreciate you and Tonya. I have been telling my husband “I rebuke his thoughts” for years when he says stuff like. “I am getting sick.” “We are never going to get out of debt.” “We are never going to have a child.”

Your declaration sermon this past week really hit home. Tony (My husband) is better now. He doesn’t talk the way he did in the past but sometimes I hear those negative words coming out of his mouth and I rebuke them.

To tell you a little about us:

I was raised in a FIRE AND BRIMSTONE — HELL AND DAMNATION Church of God. And while I do admit I got saved because it literally SCARED THE DEVIL out of me at a very young age. I found it tiring and mentally exhausting to go to church every Sunday. I then went the opposite way and changed to a United Methodist Church (where I graduated high school) the sermons here left me lacking and wanting more. In the Church of God the Flock was at least lively and active. In the United Methodist the Flock simply sat staring and the man talking on the stage. Occasionally you would hear someone whisper an “Amen.”

My husband on the other hand was not raised in Church at all. It was a loving home but not a Godly home.

When we got married at the tender age of 21 I simply quit going to church. I was not happy at church at that time and Tony wasn’t used to going anyways. It was easy to justify not going to church. I mean I watched Church on TV on Sunday that was good enough, right……

When we got married I said that GOD was going to be my birth control. My mom had come close to getting Cancer from Birth Control Pills and I didn’t want to take that chance. A few years into our marriage and we wanted to have children and it just wasn’t happening. We went to a specialist and eventually found out my tubes were blocked. GOOD JOB GOD! That is one way to apply birth control. But now Tony and I wanted children. The only problem was in order to fix this we would need In-Vitro. This was in the late 1990’s and coming up with the $100 it took to go to the doctor was a hard task for us, much less trying to come up with $40K for In-Vitro.

We went back to our lives, knowing now that God really was our Birth Control. I prayed every day that God would open my tubes and give us a child. Tony began to drink. He escaped into the world of alcohol and gave up on the thought of a child. Maybe it was the woman in me but I could never ever give up that thought. I knew I was going to have a child even if that meant adoption. I WAS MEANT to be a mother. I KNEW it as well as I KNEW my own name.

Years passed 1996 turned into 2006 and Christopher Reeves (SUPERMAN’s) Wife died of Lung Cancer. She was not a smoker but a heavy drinker. Something inside Tony Clicked when this happened and he put down the Alcohol. Cold Turkey. DONE.

Things began to change; we started to work towards getting our finances in order with DAVE RAMSEY. In July of 2008 we were able to move out of a home that was eating us alive in payments and buy a home that was almost double the size and half the payments. GOD WAS GOOD.

In October of 2008 my company changed insurance plans. They are based out of NJ and when I read through the new plan at first I thought. This can’t be true……But it was. In NJ it is mandatory that you get the option of full coverage IN-VITRO and all other infertility treatments in your insurance plan.

I remember when I realized that this was true and about to happen. I sat down on the stairs of our new home that GOD had given us and cried like a baby tears of happiness.

It wasn’t easy. Satan threw things at us along the way. In 2009 while I was getting my tubes removed in preparation for In-Vitro my dad was in the hospital going through Kidney failure and in the process getting kicked out of their home (a small trailer near the lake – they said they didn’t want him to fall and sue them…). My parents moved into my living room.

They had told us that my tubes were THE ONLY thing wrong with me so getting pregnant should be easy. The first time it failed. I was devastated, HEARTBROKEN. I wondered WHY God had opened all these doors for us only to shut them in our face. The second time it failed again. We tried a 3rd time this was going to be the last for a while. I was tired. In case you don’t know IN-VITRO is hard work. There are bi-weekly doctor’s appointments multiple self given shots in a single day. It is a physical and emotional rollercoaster. But when I saw that word “Pregnant” come up on a home pregnancy test I have never been happier in my entire life.

During all this my mom was diagnosed with Cancer (She died September 2012) and my dad would die in 2009 when I was only 13 weeks pregnant. Bittersweet heartbreak but I knew the child I was carrying was my reason for living. She gave me hope again.

Our sweet bundle of Joy that we named STORMY was born on APRIL FOOLS DAY! After she was born Tony and I both agreed that we had to thank GOD for what he did for us, what he gave to us. We took our baby girl to my mother’s church (The HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE Church) and had her dedicated to Christ. We knew this wasn’t the church for us so we began to search for ours. We went back to the United Methodist Church I graduated from and although I love the pastor and he had good messages, the congregation was so sullen. It felt like they were just going through the rituals for getting to church on Sunday morning.

My best friend’s mother-in-law sweet Gail Yarbrough had been trying to get us to come to Bethany for years. Too bad we waited until she was gone to do just that.

I remember that first Sunday sitting in the parking lot and watching everyone I MEAN EVERYONE come in wearing jeans. I remember being judgmental and wondering what we were doing at a church who didn’t bother to dress up for God. This was how I was raised in BOTH churches after all.

But once inside I knew. I had the answer. They weren’t dressing up to please the other members; they were going to church in WHATEVER they had to worship and LOVE God. To simply hear the WORD of GOD. The GOOD NEWS…. Live life and HAVE GOOD Days.

I am so Thankful for you and Bethany and mostly to MY GOD who placed us there.

18 years after we were married and made that vow that GOD would be my birth control, I had my daughter. Truer words have never been spoken, “God’s ways are not our ways.” But I am so thankful that he is a GOOD GOD. And by DECLARING those words “I WILL BE A MOTHER.” For so many years, it came true.

I am sorry to have rambled for so long but I thought it was time I shared our story with you and thanked you for what you and Bethany are to us. Home.

Filled with God’s Blessing even in the darkest hours,
Shelly & Tony Taylor (& Stormy too)

Goodbye Grandmother, You Will Be Missed!

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It is eerily strange. The last 2 lines I wrote yesterday. “Hug your family close. You never know when you are creating your very last memory.”  Not long after I wrote that yesterday those came true, as we lost my grandmother.
Her heart simply stopped beating. She was tired and heartbroken from my mother’s passing last September. She was battling with Cancer herself and she was going to turn 90 years old this year.

4 Generations at my daughters 1st birthday.

4 Generations at my daughters 1st birthday.

I got the call yesterday of her collapsing and rushed to the hospital. As I was leaving our neighborhood a small deer ran across the road in front of me.

It was at that moment that I felt that my grandmother was saying goodbye to me.
It probably sounds strange but my grandmother hit at least 3 deer with her car in her lifetime. It may have been more than 3 even. Seeing that deer made me think of her and I knew at that moment she was running free.

My grandmother lived a full life, 89 years of life; up until this past December when she was diagnosed with Lung Cancer she had hardly ever been sick a day in her life. She still drove her own car and lived alone. She took care of herself, went to church every Sunday and truly enjoyed life. When people met her they couldn’t believe she was 89 maybe 75 but that was about it.

She was a God fearing woman who loved to write, sing, draw, and paint. She was very creative and the prayer warrior in our family.

She will be truly missed.